How To Build Confidence – The Foundation You Must First Have

There are many books available today that are motivational, inspirational and informational in regards to boosting your confidence level. Many of these tips range from acknowledging and appreciating your strengths to focusing only on positive thoughts. While these tips are helpful and can strengthen your self-confidence, if you don’t have the foundation for practices to be built upon, then many of these tips will not be long lasting. This can cause a tremendous amount of frustration for those that are using these tips and are not seeing any permanent improvement in their own level of self-confidence.

The foundation that needs to be in place before using a process to increase your confidence level is adopting the mindset of being unconditionally responsible. Being unconditionally responsible means that you realize that you are the creator of your experiences, whatever they appear to be. You come to know that you had a hand in influencing the outcome of what you are experiencing. When you embrace this frame of mind, you actually empower yourself because you can then begin to wrap your head around the fact that if you created or at least influenced your experience, you create it differently if you don’t like what you are currently experiencing. With that understanding, you begin to feel less like you are a victim to your circumstances and you actually have some say in what happens to you, the “good” and the “bad”. Using this concept on a day to day level is the beginning of the core foundation for having self-confidence.

In addition to being responsible, you must also be unconditional. This is important because being unconditional allows you to be objective with what you are creating and experiencing as your reality. Being unconditional means you are not judging what you are experiencing and what you have created. There is no good or bad, right or wrong; it just is what it is. Look at all of your experiences in such a way as they are there only to clarify what you say you want in life and how you want to experience that life. Sometimes, you can’t know what you want until you experience what you don’t want. Judging the experience as something that you did or didn’t deserve, only keeps you from receiving the empowering message and insight that would allow you to move to the next level in understanding what you do need to do to have the kind of experiences you would love to have. If you look at your experiences as just experiences, then removing the judgment will truly increase your self-confidence because you are no longer engaging in the negative/destructive self talk that tears down your confidence.

Imagine how empowered you would feel if you went out into the world knowing that you have influence over your reality, and that nothing you do is a cause for judging yourself.

This brings up the third point of being unconditionally responsibile. Even though nothing you do is cause for judgment, it does not mean that you are released from any damage or harm that you would cause on another. If you have harmed another, you must be responsible for that damage you caused them. The good thing is, if you caused the damage, you have the ability to fix it.

Building self-confidence is simpler than you might think if you have the foundation of unconditional responsibility firmly in place. With that foundation in place, any other tips you may receive later on will be more long lasting and more effective in raising your confidence level to where the sky is the limit.

A Passion for Love is one of the best self improvement books that are packed with high level wisdom in knowing what to do to express the love that exists within all of us. Find out more about what you can do to connect more with the love that exists within you to be able to live the life you would love to live.

Whips, Latex and Leather – London’s Leading Fetish Nights

London is no stranger to alternative, fetish and sex orientated nightlife…

Looking back at London in the eighteenth century it is clear that things were not quite so different. With groups like the ‘HellFire Club’, who held the motto Faiscequetuvoudras (Do what thou wilt) and who held black masses honoring the ancient gods Bacchus and Aphrodite. Sex, excess and gin-crazed London in the eighteenth century was recorded in many pamphlets and captured by leading artists such as William Hogarth.

Today erotic books such as ‘Fifty shades of Grey’, now an accepted literary ‘norm’, and a growing sexually liberated, active and tolerant society, means the rise in popularity or trendiness with sex and fetish clubs such as Torture Garden (TG) and Club AntiChrist (AC).

So lets do a bit of a compare and contrast between TG and AC to see what they have to offer for those who are sexually adventurous, curious or maybe a little bit of a voyeur! Firstly lets dispel of any myths that these clubs are a no-go for the conventional or morally abiding sorts. Many of my friends and people I know who have been to these clubs come from all walks of life and background. I think that like many things it is always good, within reason, to at least take a bite, try something and then decide whether you like it or not.

Many of these events encourage clubbers to dress in fetish or bondage wear to add to the overall atmosphere. TG in comparison to AC is perhaps better known amongst London nightlife circles. Many will have heard of TG whereas the more regular fetish event goer will know of AC.

TG originally started in 1990 and now has a legendary reputation as the worlds largest fetish/body art clubs attracting 1000s each month. The club is a kaleidoscopic combo of fetish, S/M, body art, Modern Primitives, straight, gay, performance art, body ritual, fashion, techno/industrial, multimedia and cyberspace.

Cyber Goth’s rub shoulders with city-slickers, along with an eclectic range of people which give TG quite the free-spirited liberated vibe. With celebrity attendees such as Marilyn Manson and Dita Von Teese, who gave her UK debut at TG, which adds to the clubs notoriety.

AC which started initially as a temporary event and now famed as a Fet/Goth/Industrial night, has been around for just over 10 years. With a bit more added fetish element then TG, initially held at ‘The Electric Ballroom’, then moving to Vauxhall and more recently to ‘The Electrowerkz’.

There is definitely a noticeable different in the clientele between TG and AC. Where AC has more Goth, Industrial, Metal elements and picks up from nights such as ‘Slimelight’. There is also an added element of authenticity that AC represents but which TG trys to create and comes across as more of a fantasy then reality.

As a novice or first time to fetish events I would recommend TG and then if this appeals to try out AC. I actually started with AC first and was pleasantly shocked, entertained and had a very memorable night. Another aspect that I was pleasantly surprised by was the safe and non-confrontational atmosphere that these clubs provide. Whereas other more main-stream clubs can sometimes lead to unpleasant behaviour especially for women, I have never felt safer and generally left to my own devices when at these clubs. Obviously if you are looking for something more…then this is also definitely encouraged, having once lost a friend to a ‘master and slave’ couple who were seeking a trio to join them!

So if this has wetted your appetite and you a curious enough to dip your toe into into the darker side of London’s nightlife, then grab your whips, chains and latex for one devilishly satisfying night at either event.

This month Torture Garden is presenting a shopping experience and great chance to pick up that saucy-something from a range of daring and underground fashion. Get leather clad and zipped up in time for AC or CA.

Top 6 Questions People Have Before they Begin to think about Personal Development for Themselves

For most people, personal growth or personal development is not only a process in itself, but getting to the point of realizing that it may be something they want to incorporate into their lives is also a process. Most people don’t wake up one day out of the blue and decide that they want to focus on their own personal growth. There are usually questions and recurring situations they one continues to struggle with that will be the catalyst in starting them off in that direction. So what could those questions be?

1) How to stop the feelings of guilt and fear of the loss of those you love

This one is very common as most people are brought up do deal with situations through guilt or fear. However, because it is not our normal status quo way of being, over time, we begin to show the effects of carrying the guilt and fear through the deterioration of our health, wealth, or relationships.

2) How to silence the thoughts that carry you over self destruction

All of our thoughts were created and reinforced through our perceptions of experiences that we went through. Many of these thoughts are based on false perceptions, so therefor the thoughts will only reinforce these false perceptions and cause us to recreate the same types of experiences over and over again. False thoughts can only lead to destruction, which is why it is important to replace them with constructive thoughts based on the truth.

3) How do I find my passion and direction to live love no matter what

Many of us become so overwhelmed with false perceptions of ourselves, that over time, we begin to lose ourselves and what brings us joy in this world. Those of us that are lucky enough to realize that we are going through the motions and not living our lives through our love, have time to rekindle that passion and truly make a difference in our lives and those around us.

4) How do I overcome adversities and animosities without allowing them to devour me?

Live brings us challenges and experiences that we sometimes feel are not desirable. So how can we move through these experiences and see the silver lining in each situation so we can continue to move forward and not get stuck and mired in disappointments and doubts that can creep up.

5) How do I find and maintain lasting happiness?

To most of us, this is very important. many of us are not automatically happy in our lives. Most of us are pessimistic and see the wrong in things instead of the right. Seeing the wrong in things does not allow us to be happy and empower us into really creating the life we love.

6) How do I allow myself to live the real me?

If you have ever made a decision based on the approval of someone else in spite of what you wanted, you are not living the real you. If you have ever felt you had to hide a part of yourself because of what someone else may think about you, you are not living the real you. Finding the courage to live your life is one that many of us lack.

These are some of the most popular questions we ask ourselves that we want the answers to, and the desire to have the answers to these questions is the first step in our personal development journey.

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You Can’t Hurry Love – The Truth About Casual Sex

Sex. Probably the most divisive topic between men and women, whether they’re straight or gay. We’re all keen to talk about it when it’s going right and we’re happy, but when things aren’t so good, we’re not so keen to be open. It’s an interesting dichotomy – we’re more open these days than ever, thanks to the presence of the Internet – yet at the same time, there are still so many taboos and misconceptions floating around.

There are two distinct camps when it comes to casual sex – those who like it, who see no wrong in it – even if they’re already in a stable, loving relationship and those who would never go there, ever. Even if it meant they went without for the rest of their lives. For them, sex is a loving bond of trust, sacred and something to be treasured – not an act that happens quickly, when drunk on a Saturday night.

Whilst it is all down to personal choice and what suits you, the long term effects of casual sex can be emotionally and physically scarring – especially if you’re not suited to that kind of thing. Studies have shown that people who have engaged in short or long term casual sex very often feel more anxious, depressed and less emotionally fulfilled, than those who have been in stable, long term relationships with their partner or spouse.

You’ll probably find that there are many differing opinions on what is right and wrong, and how people react when the topic is brought up. Here are just a few of the many different types of casual sex that people have actually owned up to doing.

The booty call: Probably the most well known. It’s very late at night – you may have been drinking and feel in the mood, but haven’t had any better offers. So what do you do? You call a “friend-with-benefits” and meet up for some late night lust. Not necessarily any harm in it, but at the same time not a healthy habit for either of you to get into, especially if, at some stage in the future either one of you gets into a serious relationship whilst the other one stays single. This can cause problems for both parties.

Sex-With-The-Ex:
Might only be something that happens from time to time and not a regular thing, but the “need” to sometimes go back and experience a feeling that you had with someone you once loved is more common than you think. Many couples who have split report that they’ve either been tempted or have actually gone back and slept with their ex as a one off.

Pity Sex:
Oh dear. No. Not a good look, but something that people do confess to doing – this is the “art” of sleeping with someone you’re not really that attracted do, don’t necessarily want to be with, but conversely they like you and always have done – so you sleep with them “as a one off” to make them feel better. Totally wrong, not justifiable and pretty low to be honest.

Warm blanket sex:
This is the type of sex we very often see in the movies. You might feel low and sad and need to feel a connection to someone, so you have a one off with someone in order to assuage your feelings of loneliness. The sex might actually be slightly more romantic and slow – especially if you’re both feeling blue, but the end result is still the same. Guilt.

6 Steps to Loving Your Life

How much do you really love your life?

This may be the very first time you have been asked this question, but you probably should really be asking yourself this almost every day. Our decisions and choices create the world we inhabit. It is possible, if you aren’t paying attention to where it’s all headed, that you may end up somewhere you never really intended to go. While there really are no quick fixes, there are a few steps you can take to begin your journey and get back on track to loving your life.

1. Prioritize

In order to love our life we should be spending a lot of our time and energy on aspects that are important to us. Yet often, we make decisions and say “yes” to incidentals that take away our time together with our energy.

For you to move forward, it may be well to begin by thinking about what the main 3 priorities in your life really are. If your answer is family, creativity, and adventure, for instance then it might be hard to love a life where you are doing little more than mundane, repetitive tasks, and missing out on important time with your family. Does your life, your career, your home, really do reflect you and those things you hold dear?

Take your diary in hand and be in charge of your schedule.

Bring what you love into what you do. If you love cooking and you work in an office, bring home-made snacks to work for your colleagues to enjoy. For those who are lacking family time, see if you can free up a little more non-negotiable time to spend with your children and partner every week. Start with little beginnings. Invest an extra hour every now and then on what’s important to you. Make your time suit your needs.

2. Manage Expectations

So often people drown in misery because their lives are not regularly meeting their expectations. It could be that your partner isn’t the absolute soul mate you always fantasized about. Perhaps your job isn’t the career that you thought it would be when you were studying. It could be that you are living day to day at an age when you thought you would be financially more comfortable.

There is no need to scale back your expectations of a happy, full life. But in these situations it can be helpful to sit down and work out whether unhappiness is the result of a situation that isn’t working for you, or if you are comparing your life with an illusion. Accepting people, jobs and life for what they are at this moment can be a healing experience for many. Your partner, husband or wife may not be the perfect soul mate you dreamed about – but comparing them to someone who doesn’t exist will only make you both unhappy.

3. Count What’s There – Not What’s Missing

Remind yourself about all those things that are good in your life. What does your partner do better than anyone else? What does your job provide you that you’ve stayed on all this time? What made you choose this job in the first place? Most of the wonders of life are not the plans that come to fruition, but the surprises along the route.

4. Take Time Out

Even if your life is fantastic, each of us needs a break from time to time. You may have a career you love or have a great family, but too much of a good thing can be bad for you. Fatigue can set in, you begin to feel depleted, resentful, and wonder about changing your circumstances. Maybe nothing is wrong with your situation – you just need to stand back and take a breather.

Research shows that people attain much more benefit before their holiday than during or after the holiday. This has led researchers to suggest that anticipation of a holiday is as important as the holiday itself. Plan and schedule regular holidays, break up your annual leave to several shorter holidays scattered throughout the year, and get regular mini-breaks in the form of a night out with friends, weekend camping trips to get a change of scenery, and taking time to just be by yourself and do practically nothing.

Spending time alone is beneficial for mental and emotional health. Take more control over your daily schedule and plan for regular alone time. Take yourself on a date to a restaurant, read a book, go for a run, or embark on an adventure.

5. Find Your Passion

Experiencing passion is an important portion of living a full and meaningful life. Inject passion into each single day, even weekdays as you work and don’t feel particularly passionate. If you search hard enough, you can always find some aspect to be passionate about.

When passion is lacking, it might be re-ignited by your favorite meal, taking a course, or a night out with friends. Passion can flow from anywhere – it may be reading, creativity, helping others, partiipating in sports, your friends, or visiting neighbouring countries. Passion can come from something really modest, such as eating strawberries. There is no right or wrong. Notice things that evoke true excitement from deep inside you, and also notice what kind of person inspires you.

What famous or notable person do you most wish you could be? This might be the first step in realizing how to live the life you love. If you genuinely aren’t sure what your passions are, start with a clean slate and learn something new.

Take a course in something you’re curious about; visit a new town; experiment with exotic foods; start meeting new people, or check online and start following blogs on specific subjects that draw your attention. Many of the world’s finest chefs, writers, artists, designers, architects, athletes, innovators and entrepeneurs blog regularly about their thoughts, ideas and advice.

6. Learn to Love Yourself

Discovering a life you love is only possible if you can love yourself. This does not mean arrogance or denying that you have faults. Loving yourself focuses on being your own best friend, a person who embraces you on both good days, and bad days when things don’t go to plan.

Acknowledge and accept your flaws and shortcomings, but resolve to look after yourself well. You have the right to be loved and treated well, by yourself and by others. You merit a good life that makes you happy. Not because you are perfect, but because you are flawed and human, and even though you may find it difficult at times, nonetheless you still deserve to be treated with kindness and compassion.

This isn’t always straightforward. We don’t always learn to be good to ourselves while growing up. It is a skill that grows with practice, and will keep on growing stronger provided we work at it. And the more love we give to ourself, the less we will have to run around fixing problems or struggling to find solutions. Loving your life can become a habit.

Above all, foster an ‘attitude of gratitude’ for the gift that is your life, and for anything there is in it. It may not be ideal, but it’s yours — and now is the time to live it.

Peter Field is one of the leading British hypnotherapists and a Member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy. Click for information on his hypnotherapy Birmingham and London practices. He is the author of the best selling hypnotherapy book ‘The Chi of Change’.

Can You Capture Love?

By Samantha Knowles

We have all fallen in love with someone that didn’t love us back. It breaks your heart and leaves us all wondering if there is a way to ease that heartache and make that person love you back. While there is no Love Potion #9, I discuss the various ways in which you can capture and keep the attention of that certain person.

A man falls in love with you because he knows he can be himself around you. He falls in love with you because he feels SAFE expressing his innermost, private feelings with you. He feels this way because he knows that you can handle your feelings. He can sense that. And because he senses that at the most unconscious level, he starts to long for your company, for your touch, for your affection. He may not even know why he feels this way. Once a man feels safe around you, he starts to long for your company, for your touch, and for your affection. He may not even know why he feels this way. All he knows is that there’s something special about you that he doesn’t feel with any other woman in his life. He’s in love. He wants to take you in his arms and keep you forever. This is the “secret psychology” of men and love. It is a secret because it is not understood by women or men. It’s rare that either you or he will know exactly WHY he feels mesmerized by you and wants to get close to you and pursue you for something serious and long-lasting.

Many of us are wrong about why a man falls in love. We think a man needs sex, or has to have a fabulously gorgeous woman with a great body. We think a man falls for us because we’re sweet to him, and kind, and giving. So we do things for him. We cook lovely meals and offer deep, thoughtful advice on whatever troubles him. We light candles whenever he comes over. We put on our sexiest clothes and buy lacy lingerie.”We give our bodies, our souls, our minds to him. And STILL he tells us that he’s not sure how he feels.” We become exclusive with him without even a passing thought to what WE want, or whether or not he has met our needs yet for a secure, loving and committed relationship. And STILL he tells us that he’s not sure how he feels. Or he becomes distant and moody. Or he stops calling or asking us out as often as he used to. Or he does something very hurtful, or cheats on us, or tells us that he doesn’t believe you’re “meant” to be together. This happens because deep down, you didn’t trigger love in his HEART. You didn’t connect on the deepest, most intimate level … his feelings.

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What Is Love?

By Paul A Philips

One of the most googled questions ever is “What is love?” So, in view of its popularity alone I felt compelled to look into this. I hope that those reading my response will get some insights. An insight is something you get which allows you to achieve something that could not have been achieved had it not been for that insight.

So, here’s my answer to that very pertinent question ‘what is love?’ Here are the insights: What I have gained from learning about love.

Love is…

1 Having a deep and genuine love for yourself. How do you expect the cycle of love to come back on you when you haven’t began with a real deep and genuine love, compassion and acceptance for yourself?

2 An innate love or natural urge towards partnership; caring for one’s spouse, family and children…

3 An innate love towards groups; being in teams and teamwork.

4 An innate love of the human race. A natural want to care for cultures, communities, preserve populations… etc.

5 An innate love and natural instinctive urge to want to care for the life on this planet.

6 An innate love for Mother Earth; the environment…

7 Having an innate love for all things spiritual.

8 An innate love for God, Goddess, All-There-Is. (I have written it in this form to avoid a narrow interpretation). Notice if you turn 8 at right angles it becomes: ∞ which is infinity!

Love means accepting a loved one for the way they are or the way they are not. -For me, this is the single most effective insight I have ever gained and learned about love.

For further insight it is also very effective to know what love is not

Love is NOT:

Thinking the person you love is like the car you have, or the clothes you’re wearing. That is, love is not possession.

Love is not belongingness, feelings, emotions, chemistry or domination… All these things can only be the effects of love. Tie these things in with the false understanding they are love then this could lead to confusion or victimhood drama. Learn to discern what love actually is when these things show up in your life.

So, above all, I would say, do realize that love is something that we do not understand.

I indeed hope that this all to brief little tour through love has allowed you the reader to get some useful insights.

If you liked reading this article then go to www.NewParadigm.ws for more related articles including a free download PDF. NewParadigm is a portal to transformation, consciousness, spirituality, mind, body, health, alternative media and much more… Hosted by Paul A Philips. Once again the link is: http://www.newparadigm.ws/

Simple Tips For Increasing Your Personal Development

By Charlie Badderly

Finding the tools and ideas you need for personal development may seem like finding a needle in a haystack. However, there are several tips in the article below that can be just what you need to get further down the road to being a better you.

When trying to achieve goals and improve yourself, it is important to consider yourself holistically, which means, as a whole person. As a human being, you are made up of a physical body, as well as your mind. If your body is unhealthy, ailing or stressed, your mind is likely to be corrupted and unhealthy, as well. By pursuing fitness and physical health, you contribute to your mental happiness.

To help you endure the often daunting task of self help for your emotional uneasiness, you must keep your mind open to all positive energy and surroundings. If you let the bad thrive in your life, you will never be able to overcome your issues. It is important to stay positive.

Find a champion to help you stay engaged and to encourage you when you struggle. Your champion could be someone close to you in your personal life, a professional development coach or a trusted mentor at work. The idea of this tip is to make sure you have a strong support mechanism in place to help you stay focused and engaged in your personal development goals.

To be successful find your strong points and focus on developing them. Don’t worry too much about being well-rounded. Your strong points are what sets you apart from others. Develop your strong skill sets and you become an expert. Experts are invaluable to organizations and being an expert makes you more marketable.

A self-help strategy for overcoming anxiety is to stop thinking in absolutes, using words like “never,” “always,” “must,” and so on. This type of distorted thinking results in unrealistic expectations, which cause you to put additional, excessive pressure on yourself. By defeating these cognitive distortions and putting thoughts into more realistic terms, you are less likely to overwhelm yourself with stress.

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